- “Please stop clapping while I’m flossing your teeth.”
- “It just took you forty minutes to eat that bowl of cereal.”
- “Oh, all right. You can bring home the three-footed hamster. But let me be the one to tell Daddy.”
- “Wait, you wore underwear today? Wow. That’s cool.”
- “Maybe you could bring a container to school to put the spiders in it. That way you wouldn’t put them directly into your backpack..”
- “Thank you for asking him so nicely to shoot that zombie!”
- “You know, I am aware that you try to drink soy sauce every time I turn my back.”
- “Do NOT touch the television with your face.”
- “It’s not that I don’t think it’s cool that you can blow bubbles with your spit. It’s just that you’ve shown me enough times and I don’t really want to look at them anymore.”
- “Yes, honey. Naming grubs IS hard.”
- “Please don’t call me ‘ladyservant.'”
- “Earbuds are not for cleaning your ears.”
- “I love being able to see the floor in your room!”
- “Yes, I know you mean the mouthwash tastes like grape vomit, and I know you mean the kind of vomit that would come out of a grape, not human vomit full of grapes.”
- “What you’re really asking is for me to micromanage you. And I won’t do it. “
- “No, I didn’t say that I weaponized Snape. I said that I recognized Nate.”
- “Those grapes are for the fruit flies so we’ll have larvae to feed your spiders this winter.”
- “Let’s not have the scenario where you blow a bubble with your gum while wearing a mask during your piano lesson again this week, ok?”
- “Please don’t sit down on my bed while I’m in the process of making it.”
- “Oh, you said you have pee in your pants? Phew. I thought you said you had three million ants.”
Twenty things I never thought I’d say
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